Thursday, September 29, 2005

About Brownie

A Brownie is best when not cooked thoroughly because then it (he) looks like the pile of shit it (he) really is.

A Brownie crumbles under pressure.

When a Brownie sees a flood of water coming toward him, he just closes the oven door, whimpers and hides. And then pours himself a stiff drink.

When a Brownie bursts into wimpy crumbly pieces upon being picked up and examined, it cries out, "well what did you EXPECT me to do??"

Brownie does indeed try to lay all the blame on Blondie and Blackie. But Brownie got cooked with too much oil and is rather transparent.

Brownie didn't follow the recipe. Brownie was supposed to rise to the occasion within 72 hours of a the oven being turned on (i.e., a state of emergency declaration), but Brownie apparantly never read the damn cookbook.

Brownie wants to play with more soldiers in the future. It needs big guns to hide behind... those starving thirsty people paddling through the kitchen looking for food and water look SKEERY!

But Brownie is cooked. Burned. Done. No more horsies to play with. No more big men with guns to hide behind. No more Dubya slapping him on the back saying "you're a good man, Mikey Brown!" Just him and his tall, stiff, drink.

If only Brownie hadn't turned away those truckloads of cool drinks and hot firemen and everyone else who offered to save lives just to be rebuffed by Brownie, who likes the nice comfortable buffer of bureaucratic blockades, not dealing with the annoyances of thousands of people dying under his watch and pesky volunteers who keep calling him offering to help. Whew. Thank god THAT's over.

Poor Brownie. Too bad his predecessor didn't warn him that things aren't as simple as when they were college roommates, that sometimes big hurricanes DO happen and Brownies can't just sit around growing stale.

But that's the way the cookie crumbles. Everyone gets their just desserts in the end.


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